I’m addicted to exercise. And by exercise, I mean sarcasm.
An article about sarcasm recently explained why sarcastic people are smarter on average: because sarcasm requires more mental effort than just plain speech. Which is probably why when someone fails to grasp it, my first instinct is to think they are too stupid to follow. They probably are!
From the article:
See, that’s how sarcasm works, and why it’s correlated with intellect. It’s a two-step process. To use, and detect, sarcasm, you need to grasp not just the scenario in front of you – but also aspects of that scenario that might be lacking.
As Richard Chin of Smithsonian writes, sarcasm requires a series of “mental gymnastics.” Sarcastic, satirical or ironic statements all compel the brain to “think beyond the literal meaning of the words and understand that the speaker may be thinking of something entirely different.”
Thus, in a way, sarcasm forces us to think one step ahead
If that sounds mean, bear in mind that sarcasm is inherently aggressive. Mormons tend to be more passive-aggressive than aggressive-aggressive, and sometimes they mistake directness for sin (specifically contention). Growing up outside of Philly as I did, people were just more verbally direct. That sounds aggressive to people from the west who are much more oblique in their communication style. We were in south Philly several years ago, part of my effort as a parent to expose my kids to different cultures, and we stopped in a cafe to get a cheesesteak. At the checkout, there were wrapped brownies lined up on the bar. Each one had a hand-lettered note on the front that said “YOU TOUCH IT, YOU BOUGHT IT.” My daughter was scandalized and thought it was so rude. I said, “What rude? They don’t want you to touch it. So don’t touch it!” You can take the girl out of the Northeast, but you can’t take the Northeast out of the girl.
Mormons are often terrified of “contention,” and by contention they mean anything that makes them uncomfortable.[1] Contention is not snark. Contention is heated disagreement. Snark is a snide remark. Snide remarks are derogatory or mocking but in an indirect way (that is still aggressive). Contention is heated, whereas snark is decidedly cooler in temperature. See the difference?
What is “heated” anyway? My husband thinks setting the thermostat on 74 is sufficiently warm. I need to wear a jacket when it’s set on 77, and he’s sweating. Maybe that’s why they say “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” Some of us like heat I guess. Or maybe we just have poorer circulation. Or aren’t wearing socks. What’s heated to me isn’t what’s heated to you. “You touch it, you bought it” isn’t rude to me. In polite society, you should keep your damn hands off other people’s brownies. Yes, I’m talking to you. The shopkeeper is fostering good citizenship, protecting your and my theoretical brownies from being manhandled by random strangers.
While you may think you’re being clever, there’s a good chance you might end up being the only one laughing. That’s the risk you take every time you decide to speak tongue-in-cheek.
For that reason, always substantiate the “sarcasm-gauge” of those around you. As much as sarcasm is linked with, and can be easily detected by, smart people – keep in mind, the world is full of stupid people who won’t always appreciate your snide quips.
It’s a wise caution perhaps, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let myself (mentally) go to pot just because there’s an obesity epidemic in this country. I’ll pass on the mental Krispy Kremes. Bring on the snark. If you don’t “get” snark or sarcasm, I can see why it would make you uncomfortable. You might be missing what’s missing. You may think they are saying one thing when they are saying something entirely different. Case in point, several commenters took exception to my recent post on Sis. Burton’s talk at General Conference, including this budding armchair psychologist:
I feel sad that when I read this the tone that comes off is hurt… for whatever reason you’re hurt and you want to hurt others. You’re just mean.
And another:
I had mixed feelings about Sis. Burton’s talk, but it hardly merited the condescending, sarcastic response given in this post.
And one more:
I thought Sis. Burton’s talk was excellent, and thought this post smacks of light-mindedness.
New Iconoclast came to my defense:
I think Angela’s snark can be taken too easily as criticism, when it is actually a very dry wit – a problem I frequently have myself. At times I’ve resolved to be more clear by being unambiguously nasty when I mean to be critical, but this carries some negative consequences as well. 😉 I haven’t found the ideal compromise yet.
First of all, I think Sis. Burton seems like a really nice woman. She has some great qualities, chiefly that she doesn’t use Primary voice. That alone puts her in the top 20% of female Mormon leaders. She also has an intelligent face. I could see her being a Sudoku wiz. I also like that her husband’s name is Craig. I’ve never met a Craig I didn’t like. Yet.
I have no beef with her, but her talk also had limited beef. And why is that? Because we’ve gotten so tied up in gender roles and family that we’ve lost the conversation somewhere. I did think her string story was excellent commentary on not only fatherhood, but our paternalistic attitudes within the church, perhaps accidentally so. And I absolutely believe she intentionally followed the pattern of male church leaders in how she spoke about her husband, which I pointed out by calling her talk “boy crazy.” Now was she actually being subversive and feminist? Well, I wish she were, but I doubt it. Either way, how is praising the opposite sex, regardless of who is doing it, talk fodder for a world conference? I’ve always been baffled by that. Seeing a woman do it points out yet again how silly it is. We had two women speak in the general sessions of conference, and one of the two talks didn’t pass the Bechdel test.
- Is it a waste to use sarcasm and wit when so many will miss the point?
- Is sarcasm harmful, something to avoid, or should we instead remember the words of Jesus who said “he that hath ears, let him hear”? I think he was talking about sarcasm here. Let’s face facts. Jesus snarked.[2]
- Is snark light-minded? Does being a good person require taking ourselves and others seriously?
- Can you teach sarcasm or is it like a language, best learned before the age of 10?
Discuss.
[1] Like gay people, New Yorkers, or cleavage.
[2] He also called people a den of vipers. That’s pretty aggressive talk. Plus, saying, “Thou hast said” and meaning “yes” qualifies in my book.
Wheat & Tares 
This is interesting to me because I keep trying to get my husband to be less sarcastic for the following reasons:
1. The person isn’t saying what they mean and they are often avoiding true communication – We are trying to raise four children and share a household. There is so much information we need to share with one another that having someone intentionally refuse to communicate his actual meaning is frustrating. If I am interested in his input on whether we should sign a child up for swimming or whether one child is playing too much Xbox, I would like his actual opinion/thoughts/etc. and actual contribution to the discussion and some problem solving ideas.
2. When you are in a position of authority (Dad/boss/etc.) or experience and you are sarcastic, it puts the inexperienced person at a definite disadvantage. I see my children struggle because sarcasm never includes clear teaching directions. The sarcastic authority might think it is obvious, but when a Dad is in a small boat and tells his young daughter “Move slower” and actually means it….guess what? He says it in the exact same voice that he has said “move slower” when telling her she was moving too slowly countless times before. The sarcasm serves to tell the less experienced person that she is stupid and incompetent all while forcing them to read between the lines to try to figure out what the teacher really means so that they can do better.
3. It isn’t just intelligence, but certain kinds of intelligence, but also background and culture. My son has difficulty with inferences, he is a literal person. However, he can learn. Intelligence is also about whether you are able to learn. Interferences require similar culture, language, access to insider knowledge. When you choose to make a listener/reader make inferences, you choose to let the insiders understand but those who are outsiders (English is a second language, first time readers of your blog, those from other cultures, those who are much older or much younger than you, those who are in a different socioeconomic or ethnic group) are less likely to “get it.” It is exclusionary.
I think you elevate sarcasm far past its value. Sarcasm is easy. Even the smallest child can detect it. They may not know what you really mean, because the purpose of it is to obfuscate meaning, but anyone can hear it. It is meant to wound its target, cat self doubt.
I find any communication with that goal in mind to be a lesser form of communication. I also find that sarcasm generally masks a personal vulnerability, so it is often wielded in self-defense. Online, without tone for context, it’s especially out of place. Particularly since you will never know whom it will hurt, and will therefore have no chance of mitigating the damage.
*cast self-doubt
Some Young Men leaders probably thought what they were doing was witty sarcasm. To the boys it was indistinguishable from bullying. It’s hard to trust those men, even years later.
Interesting. I do think some people just like sarcasm. I really enjoy being able to play with words and meanings. Some people like to write poetry that just puts me to sleep. To each his own.
Now as far as contention, when to mix too much cynicism with sarcasm and use sarcasm as a veneer to cover something you wouldn’t dare say (such as passive-aggressive statement), then it can see how people can come to associate. I use sarcasm to complement people. How can that be contentious?
I love footnote 1. When the appliance repairman bends way over, his butt cleavage does make me uncomfortable.
Sarcasm lessens the effect that the holy spirit can have because it creates confusion. Living authentically means one should never use sarcasm, instead speaking sincerly.
I would rather live as a genuine human than an insincere saint. Give me sarcasm or give me death.
Elder McConkie frequently used sarcasm in the earlier portions of his talks. Here are some examples from the last couple talks he gave at BYU:
“A mystery, so the dictionary says, is ‘something beyond human comprehension.’ Defining the word from a theological standpoint, it says a mystery is ‘an article of faith beyond human comprehension, as the doctrine of the Trinity.’
“How apt this illustration is! If there was ever something beyond human comprehension, it is the sectarian doctrine of the Trinity.”
—
“While driving along a highway in my car, I was listening to the radio sermon of one of these evangelists who was preaching of salvation by grace alone. He said all anyone had to do to be saved was to believe in Christ and perform an affirmative act of confession.
“Among other things he said: ‘If you are traveling in a car, simply reach forth your hand and touch your car radio, thus making contact with me, and then say, “Lord Jesus, I believe,” and you will be saved.’
“Unfortunately, I did not accept his generous invitation to gain instant salvation; and so I suppose my opportunity is lost forever!”
—
“I received a letter from a returned missionary whom I shall call Elder Carnalus Luciferno, for no one in his right mind would have such a name, and my correspondent was certainly out of his mind.”
I like words, too, but prefer wit to sarcasm.
Snarcasm can be a very fast and efficient way to breakthrough closed mindedness in a debate, kind of like a jackhammer! It pisses people off but they typically get the point and it usually focuses the debate on to the point rather than dancing around it.
I don’t think all sarcasm is equal. In fact, I disagree that sarcasm is inherently aggressive. Sure, there is biting sarcasm with the intention to hurt. But there is also witty sarcasm with the intention to make a sociopolitical point (satire) or sarcasm that points out the humorous ironies of life.
I think sarcasm gets a bad rap in Mormon culture partly because it’s intentions and purposes are often misunderstood. It’s viewed as one-dimensional when in fact it can be quite nuanced.
John Mansfield: Those examples of E. McConkie go past being sarcastic to being caustic, IMO. I think intent matters, and what it is we are saying beneath the words.
My (admittedly old) Random House dictionary defines sarcasm as “sharply sneering or cutting remark; the use of such remarks intended to hurt or wound another.”
LH makes a great point. Sarcasm intended to make a satiric point or to illustrate something ironic is the sarcasm to which I aspire (or at least I think so – it’s not like I’ve set goals or anything). And passive aggression can also be, well, aggressive beneath a patina of niceness. Mormons don’t seem to dislike passive aggression nearly enough nor to like sarcasm nearly enough.
And yet there is that sort of easy form of sarcasm (sneeringly saying the opposite of what you mean) that is perhaps the “poor man’s sarcasm,” an easy type of sarcasm. My kids excel at that. I love pointing it out when my daughter sneers “Oh, I’m sorry!” I say with a puzzled expression, “You sure don’t sound sorry. Are you sure you are?” Hers is sarcasm. Mine is the form of sarcasm that points out that some people will misunderstand her because in fact her tone reveals more than her words. Maybe.
You’ve given great insight, oh Hawk, as to the workings going on inside your cranium.
” because sarcasm requires more mental effort than just plain speech. Which is probably why when someone fails to grasp it, my first instinct is to think they are too stupid to follow. They probably are!”.
Ergo, you credit yourself with some mental superiority for thinking up some sarcastic, snarky remarks, and if your intended audience doesn’t get the same humor as you do, it’s some mental deficiency on THEIR part. Hmm…methinks Mack Trucks never built a rig that could haul that ego!
I might appreciate a good ‘snark’ in the movies or similar entertainment media, but it can rightly be perceived as veiled hostility in real-life interactions. It has it place if your intended target gets your humor and wouldn’t be offended/hurt by it. Case in point: A recent bishop I had did look rather young and with boyish enthusiasm. Now, since supposedly Al Capone himself said that a man should have ‘en-too-si-asms” (just before he bashes in the skull of one of his henchmen for having egregiously failed him) that’s not a bad thing. But as I told my beloved Snips, “does his mommy know he’s playing ‘Bishop’? When I got to meet one-on-one with the boy bishop, I expressed that view, and he took it very well. I’m sorry that I’m no longer in his ward, b/c he is a great bishop, and he’s actually older than he looks – clean living is what does it, I guess.
You’re likely right about the tendency of LDS folks towards “passive-aggressiveness”. Because we’ve been endlessly taught “He that hath the spirit of contention is not of Me” (III Nephi 11:29), we try to conceal how we really feel, but not too well. At least you acknowledge it, superior attitude notwithstanding.
Im kind of a moderate feminist, if there is such a thing….. I didnt find your piece about Sis Burtons talk offensive at all. But, I know you (somewhat…its been a lot of years). Sarcasm is a touchy thing sometimes, though. I have little patience for people who choose to be offended over everything…but I think not “getting” sarcasm has as much to do with how you are raised than it does any mental deficit, though that surely contributes.
My BFF is a Jersey girl…from just over the river from Philly. You guys would be good buds, shes much more like you than me. My favorite trait of hers is her ability to say what needs to be said, usually with wit, humor and absolutely no BS. Kind of like someone else I know…
I am often confused when people misconstrue my sarcasm as being mean. I wonder how they could assume I am being mean. Do they not know me? Perhaps not. I cut my teeth on sarcasm as a child. I know no other way.This article got me thinking of a passage in the scriptures I was reading Sunday. Jesus was speaking as he always did with layering, hidden meaning, parables, etc. He never spoke plainly but in riddles. The passage is in John 6. He refers to himself as bread. The Jews took him literally. In verse 51 he tells them that the bread he has to offer is his flesh. In verse 52 they can’t understand how it is he can offer his flesh for them to eat. I have to wonder if Jesus were rolling his eyes at this point and slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand. They all left completely befuddled and quit following him. I imagine in my little brain that he just shook his head in wonder. When people don’t understand me or my sarcastic witticisms, clever repartee, quick quips, perhaps I should take comfort knowing He was widely misunderstood too. After all, aren’t we all trying to be more like Jesus?
I like wit. I like sarcasm. I like snark. I watched House just for Hugh Laurie’s acerbic wit. I think we should be able to laugh at ourselves. I generally don’t think a lot of people can’t differentiate between sarcasm of ideas and a person. I would die without sarcasm. I really like hawk’s posts. I think there are also a lot of people who just don’t get your tone. Or they get it and don’t like it. Too bad for them.
I actually associate a lot of sarcasm with a lower level of intelligence and wit (to be clear, I don’t think this applies to you!). Much of sarcasm is easy, and is used to mask a real lack of interpersonal skill. I guess I don’t really think acerbic wit is sarcasm, per se, and I think a lot of what you are characterizing as sarcasm is what I would call satire.
That said, I don’t have a real problem with people being sarcastic or sharp. I’ve got a pretty direct nature, myself, and that doesn’t make me uncomfortable.
In fact, I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said, except for the characterization of sarcasm of cleverness. There is something that is clever but also sharp. But there is something else that is so much of what we call sarcasm that isn’t clever or witty, or even interesting.
That I don’t like – the sarcastic person who thinks he is funny but is really just kind of awkward or dim. There seem to be a lot of them in my singles’ wards.
Megan: “the sarcastic person who thinks he is funny but is really just kind of awkward or dim. There seem to be a lot of them in my singles’ wards.” Gee, I wonder why they’re still single. (That was sarcasm).
I’ve noticd a lot of folks speak sarcastically just about all the time. Often in one-liners. Usually these remarks are put-downs of someone other than themselves. And then when someone is actually hurt or offended —which is the intention of sarcasm — the speaker always cries, “I was just kidding!” I think it’s a very addictive form of expression. It certainly can’t be considered positive because it’s always putting something/someone down. Sarcasm is a heat-seeking missile to flaws, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. I find it undignified oftentimes. Its negative–whoever heard of uplifting sarcasm? No, it’s cynical. I know these things because I’ve been in Sarcastic Cynics Anonymous for about 400 years. Personally, I think it’s lazy and easy to be sarcastic. There’s a “high” one gets from it; hence, the addiction. It takes much more effort and mental capacity to communicate without guile. I sure hope I can learn to accomplish that someday (cough).
My name is Rockies Gma, and I’m a sarcastiholic.
Like Megan, I think I define sarcasm rather more narrowly, and don’t especially like it. I do enjoy wit, irony and satire.
@Rockies
You stated
whoever heard of uplifting sarcasm? No, it’s cynical.
I would disagree. I use it often to complement someone. I know they realize it is a complement as they have said thanks (non-sarcastically) I do see PLENTY (majority) of people that use sarcasm in the negative way you say. Just because most people us a linguistic tool negatively does not make the tool negative.
One of the challenges of sarcasm in blogging is that it is such a flat medium, without the audio and visual cues that provide context in real life situations.
Also, there is an assumption that passing the Bechdel test is an obviously good thing, when it may be irrelevant in this situation.
My standardized test scores indicate that I am intelligent, but I do not always pick up sarcasm, especially in ascii text.
Or appreciate, when one is directing clever humor at the Lord’s anointed. I appreciate that we all have different lines, and I am not saying that you should not write such things. Only that I am not gonna laugh.
I go back to the definition of “sarcasm” because I think many people are confusing it with other language uses.
“the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.
“his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment”
synonyms:derision, mockery, ridicule, scorn, sneering, scoffing”
True sarcasm, by definition, is negative and doesn’t seem to be very Christlike.
Naismith can’t do ascii sarcasm, but she’s amazing in Unicode.
I think IDIAT and others are right. The article lumped other types of wit in with sarcasm. It’s not necessarily caustic as the definition cited. And I would call it sarcasm more broadly as Happy Hubby pointed out, when you are saying one thing and meaning another, using tone or exaggeration to convey your meaning.
Naismith: “Or appreciate, when one is directing clever humor at the Lord’s anointed.” Are you referring to Pres. Burton as the Lord’s anointed? As someone endowed, I am also anointed. Is there some other anointing I’m not aware of?
I have an in-law who regularly makes other people the butt of his jokes, it is mean spirited and I hate it – it puts other people down. Is that sarcasm? I don’t think so, I thought it was just being a jerk. If that’s sarcasm I don’t like that kind of sarcasm. I think hawk usually employs satire or wit or snark, but I rarely see it specifically putting someone down. So is this all just a difference in how we define wit, satire, irony, snark, and sarcasm?
One person sarcasm is another person’s wit and satire.
Naismith: I join with Hawkgrrrl in wondering just who are “Lord’s anointed?” Although, really I just think your use of that label is incredibly anachronistic. Further, it has a bad reputation having been used largely used as an excuse to bully (unrighteous dominion) others back when it wasn’t an anachronism. Which is not to say we all don’t deserve “due respect”–as well as criticism on occasion, regardless of our “office.”
#14 – hawk wrote: Mormons don’t seem to dislike passive aggression nearly enough nor to like sarcasm nearly enough.
Maybe this accounts for my high tolerance for sarcasm. I keep hoping it’ll reduce all the passive aggressiveness.
Methinks a character trait of the “Lord’s Anointed” should be a THICK skin!
In general, I keep criticisms and smart-aleck remarks private. Even if my gripe with a bishop/SP is legit, it’s NOT legit to cause contention or disrespect for their POSITION (which is greater than the man) since they act on behalf of the Lord. Remember, not only are leaders “Hew-Mon” (and the male portion thereof), they’re giving freely and generously of their time and energy, which could and would likely be devoted towards familial or professional efforts. I appreciate always the efforts made whether I agree or not.
I agree with A Happy Hubby – some people just like sarcasm, wit, humor, teasing, etc.
Hawk, I don’t think you’ve elevated sarcasm too much as some have commented. I grew up in a non-mormon family and we had a lot of all that. I think it can get boring and annoying when people take themselves too seriously and can’t laugh at themselves or a situation, or elevate their thinking to be able to read what they need to into a situation to ‘get it’. There are a lot of ways to say something, but sarcasm and wit can make it so that rather than a situation or criticism just being super negative, a person can learn something in a little softer way.
I married into a mormon family, and have found that I can’t use my dry wit or sarcasm because when I do, I get blank stares. They just don’t get it. I also associate the ability to appreciate humor, get wit and sarcasm with higher levels of intelligence – quick thinking – connecting the dots that aren’t literal, etc. Luckily my husband has what most of the rest of his family does not.
By most definitions of sarcasm that I’ve found, it is negative and meant to injure. The definitions of wit, humor, satire and hyperbole and other figures of speech differ significantly. I believe it does take quick thinking to put together concepts and words on the fly a la improvisation. But I’ve seen sarcasm by both the quick witted as well as the dim witted. Sarcasm does not equal humor unless you want to re-write the English dictionary.
I love wit and sarcasm, not always up to it myself as am now a slow thinker, but i think it cam be a great way to learn more about the self.we try to maintain a sense of humour in this house and i find it problematic when we,re not able to laugh at ourselves.It’s a great gift to see ourselves as others might. i love mormon humour, we’ve generally been culturally limited to what i experience as mean-spirited practical jokes or clumsy physical humour.
But i have a daughter who has no sense of humour whatsoever, in common with her father. it makes her miserable to not be able to keep up and she has no perception of irony at all. I suspect, as the years go by that she is on the asperger’s spectrum.She’s starting to learn as an adult, but it has been a great source of anxiety to her.
I also know a man who is quite prepared to humiliate his wife in public to score a laugh, and i don’t get why anyone joins in. i recently told him privately-but in a public space after he’d tried the same treatment with one of my kids-that he was a very rude man. Humour, satire, irony sarcasm can all be used both graciously and disgracefully. We’re working at being good humoured in our family.
Useful info. Lucky me I found your website by accident, and I am stunned why this coincidence did not happened earlier! I bookmarked it.
Don’t come to the UK because we just have dry wit here.