Today’s guest post is by MoHoHawaii. We’ve all heard stories of men who had a midlife crisis and ended a decades-long marriage in order to trade up to a younger, often blonder, wife. Here’s a story from my own family.
As it turns out, my entire genome marched across the plains with the Mormon westward migration and was happily replicating in Utah well before the end of the nineteenth century. I was secretly thrilled to learn as a child that both of my grandmothers were the children of polygamous marriages. It seemed exotic and slightly scandalous. It was proof that we were from authentic pioneer stock. It seemed to fit with the stories of handcarts and Winter Quarters and the pioneer sun bonnets we made in Primary on July 24th. (Did the wives have matching bonnets? You have to love the eight-year-old imagination in matters like these.) I always wanted to know about my grandmothers’ childhood experiences with polygamy, but I didn’t dare ask them for details when we visited. My curiosity was satisfied only later in life after a frank talk with my father, who knew the whole story.
My father’s mother was the daughter of my great-grandfather’s first wife. Sometime in midlife, after perhaps 25 years of marriage, my great-grandfather took a second wife. My great-grandfather left his first family to fend for themselves (subjecting them to great hardship) and started a second family. The family group sheets don’t say if the new wife was any blonder than my great-grandmother, but they do say that she was about 30 years younger. My grandmother never forgave her father for his act of abandonment, and a level of bad blood that is frankly beyond my imagination persisted between them until the day he died.
This story has a number of interesting twists and turns that I don’t have space to relate, but I have to say that when I finally got all of the details out of my father I was disappointed. My many exotic childhood theories about my ancestors living the Principle had been destroyed in the space of a single afternoon. What had happened with my great grandparents seemed depressingly ordinary and explainable: my great-grandmother had been traded in for a new model. My great-grandfather had had the Mormon pioneer version of a midlife crisis. The only part of the story that was in any way beyond the ordinary was that, beyond all comprehension, he fell for someone named Bertha.
As a gay man I find it hard to empathize with my great-grandfather. For one, gay people don’t seem to have midlife crises; our once-in-a-lifetime family drama occurs much earlier when we come out of the closet, and we have no desire for an encore performance. For another, our spousal relationships are too hard won. We feel lucky if people aren’t spray painting slurs on our garage or glaring at us when we shop together as if we’re portents of the apocalypse right there in the produce aisle. It seems extravagant to us to make a major life change just because we reach middle age. We’re just happy we made it to middle age in one piece. We knock on wood and watch Project Runway reruns.
Is there something to this gulf between me and my great-grandfather? Are gay men (and women of all orientations) somehow different when it comes to midlife crisis? Is a propensity for midlife crisis some sort of curse bestowed on straight guys?
Pastor D. heads a large mainline Protestant church in the Deep South. He and I have been close friends since third grade. He’s had 25 years of experience in pastoral counseling and social services outreach and knows more about human troubles than any person I know. I called him on the phone and asked him what he knew about the phenomenon of midlife crisis.
What I learned from my expert friend is that midlife crisis is reflects a tension between “generativity vs. stagnation.” This is psychological jargon for boredom and fear of obsolescence. He also told me that women have a stronger nesting instinct than men and that their focus on raising children is sometimes at odds with male sexual and relational preferences. He also mentioned that some men don’t understand that relationships in one’s 30s are different than those in the 50s and beyond. When men act out it’s usually from fear and boredom.
My friend Pastor D. is probably a nicer person than I am. When I think about midlife acting out I recall the exasperation I’d hear in my mother’s voice when she would tell me as a teenager that men think they are the blankety-blank center of the universe. My father was Stake President at the time and was in fact the center of our local universe. It was hard to argue her point. So I have to confess that my bias on this subject is that male midlife crisis has something to do with male privilege.
What can be done about midlife crisis? After talking to Pastor D. and thinking about this for a few days here’s what I came up with. This is from the perspective of a gay person looking at the problems of straight relationships. It’s not meant to be comprehensive.
- Prevention is easier than a cure. Start early. From your 30s onward be careful realize that you rebuild your relationship with each passing year. Don’t let church responsibilities or raising children overshadow the fact that you and your spouse are partners. If you don’t watch out for this, you may realize that there’s a problem only when it’s too late to fix it.
- Be aware of the difference in nest-building emphasis that might exist between spouses. Men and women often have different views on this subject.
- Don’t let the institution of marriage ruin your marriage. There are a million stodgy conventions that go along with being married. If these work toward reducing your or your spouse’s sense of personhood, they aren’t doing you any favors. Flout convention. Let your marriage be what it needs to be and forget about “roles” or the expectations of the church or your extended family. If there’s one thing gay people know about relationships, it’s that the ones that make it blaze their own trails.
- If you’re bored, deal with it early. Don’t let it fester.
- If there’s something that needs to be said, say it. Dealing with issues realistically (even painfully) is the only way to keep them from getting worse.
Feel free to comment, especially if you have anecdotes about things that happened to you or someone close to you.
MHH – great post! The notion of polygamy as a way to deal with midlife crisis is interesting. I have a good friend whose father practiced polygamy. Not for religious reasons, just because he wanted to sleep with 4 women. He had 19 children. The shame these children felt as a result was incredible, always feeling they had to hide their home life and not being able to confide in anyone else about their personal situation. Most of them still hate their father so much they won’t speak to him.
The idea of midlife crisis being linked to male unexamined privilege is also interesting. I have read studies that show that career women experience similar midlife symptoms to men. I certainly experience it in relation to my life as a whole, but I have not been tempted to find an “Ashton” to replace my husband. Whether working or not, I think women feel their family ties differently than men do, regardless what the studies might say.
I think you are defining of mid-life crisis too narrowly (have sexual affair or leave wife for another woman). And it isn’t all about marriage and sex.
It is also about work. About disappointed hopes in your career.
It is about getting old and realizing that you are passing your prime and life might just suck the rest of the time.
My single brother and sister seem to have had a sort of mid life crisis. Getting laid off and then intentionally not pursuing a job in order to live some dreams.
One thing I read said that a mid-life crisis is an (overboard) attempt to rebalance one’s life.
I have not had a mid-life crisis, but I’ve had plenty of crises like having a baby to make me have to change everything in my life.
Do women (due to circumstance or biology) make more attempts to balance their life so it doesn’t build up into a big crisis? Or are they more willing to live an unbalanced life, or less likely to want to risk change?
The problem is that if you go off the deepend in a mid life crisis you might have damaged all your important relationships. If you haven’t, and you used to be happy you probably will be again.
Mid-life crisis is a phase. It is just as real as PMS. It is just a question of whether you are able to get through it and deal with things in a positive way rather than lashing out or destroying your family.
There’s probably something to the idea of tension between generativity and boredom. My husband and I are in the middle of that phase of life right now. I dealt with it by becoming a lawyer. He dealt with it by sewing (and wearing in public) contemporary kilts. By satisfying the itch with something creative and challenging, our relationship remained stable and fulfilling.
(anonymous because it’s probably rare enough to have a lawyer-kiltmaker combo that I’m not giving any further information on how to figure out who I am!)
MoHo,
The reality is marriage between an man and woman is hard. Effectively, Men and Women are two difference species – they think, act and respond differently. It is designed to be this way. It is designed to be a refiner’s fire. The Lord intended to put two different species together to purify them as indicated in Genesis 3: 15-18
“And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life”
The bottom line, if you can make it through this refiner’s fire with your spouse you will thus qualify for Celestial Marriage. A midlife crisis is just one of many obstacles.
Re #2 (jks) [I]t isn’t all about marriage and sex.
Agreed. I focused more narrowly for the purposes of this post, but the phenomenon of midlife crisis is broader and includes all kinds of responses to the “generativity vs. stagnation” problem.
There is a good book by James Hollis about the mid-life crisis and how to find meaning. He has a good explanation on how things that really worked well in younger years, or expectations and hopes and dreams that really allowed for happy effort early in a marriage, sometimes are not sustainable as the landscape changes, and so people find themselves with different needs but long-time habits (he doesn’t particularly mention men over women).
This is interesting to think of this related to polygamy. For LDS men, the family is the center of existence and where we practice and become accountable for the gospel principles.
After a given time, some things we expected to happen because of implementing these gospel principles (happiness, peace, spirituality, etc) sometimes don’t happen the way it is expected.
I could see how someone totally committing to family as a self-identity, and then disillusioned, could then turn and think more family could address the needs they have in the 2nd half of life. If it wasn’t working exactly right, well get another wife and try it again.
Maybe I’m way off base…I just think that is interesting to think of mid-life crisis being dealt with by practicing polygamy.
On another note…I sometimes think people attach “mid-life crisis” way too much…anyone trying to make some life changes at 45 are having a crisis, doing it at 30 is just changing things. It has become stigmatized, I think.
…and to finish my thought…I am not a fan of polygamy or thinking this should be experimented with to meet personal needs. I still fail to see how it is a good thing in any circumstance, but that’s just me.
I have eaten at too many Laguna Beach restaurants with Old Guy + Young Buff Guy at the next table, to think that the phenomenon MoHo describes is an exclusively straight phenomenon. But decent advice regardless.
jks — “It is also about work. About disappointed hopes in your career.
It is about getting old and realizing that you are passing your prime and life might just suck the rest of the time.” — I think it is about reaching ages where you start to be permanently foreclosed from more and more options.
That can make a huge difference as people grapple with the walls of reality.
I tend toward the Chris Rock philosophy on fidelity– men [and women] are only as faithful as their options. Women posses the most options when young, during child-bearing years. Men have the most options during mid-career when earning potential is at its highest. Frankly, it’s that simple.
#10 mentioned options. As a brunette chick I’m a bit confused about what this means for me. If I’m going to have a mid-life crisis, should I dye my hair blonde? Look for an older guy with a Porsche? Look for a younger blonde guy and buy myself a Porsche? Please advise. 😉
Dumped wives are notorious for going out after the divorce, losing weight, getting some botox, a boob job, and pursuing higher education or a better career to ‘show’ their ex how much better off they are with out them.
I wonder what would happen if women did that before the marriage came to an end. (Which is why I’ll be waking up at 4 am to get my run in)
I have died my hair blonde and it has done absolutely nothing for me.
I have also adopted a dog(beau) and he has done wonders, I’ve lost weight and he has forced me to be more social, just because of his own super uber cuteness factor. He actually makes more friends than I do because of his cuteness,(think lassie)
I think the mid-life crises come in part due to lack of confidence. In my opinion I feel that men/women are trying to go back to time period in their life where they think they had the most confidence and where they felt they were successful. In part, I believe they are also romanticizing what actually took place. I do not want to go backward.
Re #11 I have eaten at too many Laguna Beach restaurants with Old Guy + Young Buff Guy at the next table, to think that the phenomenon MoHo describes is an exclusively straight phenomenon.
You’ll see more diversity in same-sex couples, with differences age, race, nationality, etc. I think this helps with complementarity (straight couples get this by virtue of gender differences). I don’t think it’s the same phenomenon as straight guys trading their wives in for a younger model.
[I don’t know that the comment implied this, but a lot of people seem to complain that gay relationships are sinful *AND* too short. LOL!]
From the movie “Moonstruck”
Olympia Dukaksis character said something which applies,” I’m too old to young, and too young to be old.” Thus the creation of the angst.
The midlife crisis for men is caused by declining testosterone levels — declines that are getting more sharp because of the diet many Americans eat.
The tried-and-true method for dealing with this natural phenomenon for thousands of years of human existence was for a man to take an additional wife. This claim has been backed up by recent research into the subject.
However, in our current legal and religious environment, men are not allowed to alleviate the decline in testosterone — and sadly many risk a good family in transeate affairs with younger women, instead of seeking after another wife — which is what God has ordained.
Re #11 [Should I] look for a younger blonde guy and buy myself a Porsche? Please advise.
Rebecca,
If you’re going to have a midlife crisis, fair is fair. Get yourself that Porsche. Dye your hair whatever color you want.
Be advised, however, that the male equivalent of a younger, blonder woman is a tall, dark-haired, very fit, younger man. The technical term is “boy toy.” Enjoy. :- )
MoHo – One of my best friends is an attractive Latino gay man. His partner is ten years older. Think bald, white, accountant type. I’ve teased my friend about being the Eva Longoria character in this scenario. The hot trophy wife. I’m just saying, don’t be so sure that this can’t happen to you because your gayness gives you some kind of immunity.
Justin – I thought your promotion of polygamy was satire, then I checked out your link. All I can say is I find that really creepy, but that’s probably just me. Well, it’s me and 99% of women.
Re #18 (Rebecca) See my comment #14 about diversity in gay couples.
This is a really interesting post. Love it.
Rebecca, I am included in the 99% of women.
Justin, I see no reason why a decline in testosterone should lead to mid-life crisis, especially taking another wife. Popular medical discourse would suggest that any compulsion to take another wife would *decrease* as testosterone levels decline, with a corresponding decline in libido.
Salt h20, that’s an interesting question, but it borders on blaming the victim. I tend to agree with the OP that so-called mid-life crisis is not about the wife, but is about male privilege–and, I suspect, a sense of entitlement that goes along with privilege in any form. Maybe middle-class folks tend to have more mid-life crises than working-class folks?
I suppose from the ideas that I’ve already had a “midlife” crisis.
Or simply that in the course of a difficult marriage I willingly succumbed to the charms of a female colleague younger than I (I was 49 and she 40, so it wasn’t that much of a mismatch).
The interesting thing is that not only did I walk away from my “fling” (partly from sheer dread but also that if my boss knew that I was carrying on with an employee of one of our contractors it could put my career in jeopardy) but the lady involved, who had been a “dry” Mormon for several years, proverbially got “wet”. She sez that I played a role. I’m not certain that my “role” was all that positive or in her best eternal interests.
That Gal-
You’re right it does boarder on blaming the victim, yet it’s still something I wonder when I see some courgar divorces.
I would never blame Elizabeth Edwards for her husband being a slimeball, then again I think John Edwards was always a slimeball and it had nothing to do with a mid-life crisis.
You bring up a very interesting point about midleclass folks having more midlife crises than working class. I would guess that to be true.
18: I thought your promotion of polygamy was satire, then I checked out your link. All I can say is I find that really creepy, but that’s probably just me. Well, it’s me and 99% of women.
So Rebecca, it seems that you and 99% of the women you know are not ordained of God according to D&C 49: 15 because you would forbid a man or woman to marry if they already have a spouse. I find that creepy. Is there anything scriptural behind your claim that I’m creepy — or is it just your feelings?
20: I see no reason why a decline in testosterone should lead to mid-life crisis, especially taking another wife.
You should search the internet on the subject then. It’s been discussed in many places — it is also called andropause, or male menopause. Recent research indicates that this explains why men risk a good family life for transient affairs — because sexual novelty boosts the declining testosterone levels. Ever hear that a man is more likely to impregnate a mistress than his wife? This is why.
#23 Justin – You asked “Is there anything scriptural behind your claim or is it just your feelings?” I’ll have to give you that one. If you like D&C 49:15, you’ll love 132:54. I guess I’ll be glad to be born in this time when mainstream LDS men get excommunicated for practicing polygamy. I’ll admit that it makes me feel better.
I suppose you can long for the 1840’s or just get a divorce and find a younger blond wife. Serial monogamy is pretty well accepted in our culture. Although, if you have a wife who is OK with your unconventional ideas, you should probably keep her. I guess the popularity of that show where Hugh Hefner has three blonds backs up your view that a lot of men (and at least a few blond women) probably don’t find it creepy either. My best to you.
Why should I have to get a divorce to take another wife? Do you think humans should be that selfish?
Seriel monogamy is one of the factors that demonstrates what’s wrong with the state and the church imposing their monopoly on monogamy.
Whoso forbiddeth to marry is not ordained of God — yet here you are forbidding marriage — unless a man get’s a divorce (which is also not ordained of God) or goes back in time to live in the 1840s (which BTW was only polygyny, which is not ordained of God either).
Every man who forbids his wife from marrying another man and every woman who forbids her husband from marrying another woman is also not ordained of God when they do this.
Great post, but I do have one small nitpick: in my experience some gay men do indeed have something like a mid-life crisis. I know I did.
For me it was all about the shocking(!!) realization that I was actually getting old in a rabidly youth-centric subculture. Not having a “spousal relationship” — and an uncomfortable feeling (right or wrong) that my prospects for same were rapidly diminishing — added fuel to the fire.
#24. It’s unfortunate that you are glad to live ina time when faithful men and women who have been called by God to practice Plural Marriage are excommunicated. This to me is just one more sign that the LDS church is near the “very brink of Hell” as Brigham Young prophecied.
Wilford Woodruff gave arevelation in 1880 which said: “And I say again, woe unto that nation or house or people who seek to hinder my people from obeying the Patriarchal law of Abraham, which leadeth to Celestial Glory, which has been revealed unto my Saints through the mouth of my servant Joseph, for whosoever doeth these things shall be damned, saith the Lord of Hosts, and shall be broken up and wasted away from under heaven…”
Who are those today who seek to hinder the saints from practicing Plural Marriage? It’s not the government anymore. There’s only one real group I can think of and they are leading this chruch.
I don’t want to cast stones. But those are the words of the Lord. And I often wonder if they are not being fulfilled when we see the church watering down the gospel and doctrines, to be more acceptable to the world of Babylon.
I don’t know too much about mid-life crisises. But I do know that abondoning a family is not what the Lord wants.
Re #25 (Justin) Why should I have to get a divorce to take another wife? Do you think humans should be that selfish?
I think the story of my great-grandparents shows what a tremendous act of abandonment acquiring the second wife can be to the first family. The fact that my great-grandparents didn’t divorce is just a minor detail.
I’m sorry to hear that your great-grandmother could not open her heart to receiving a new wife — nor could she find comfort in a second husband either.
When a man wishes to take an additional wife and his current wife or wives do not give their consent, they sin because they are forbidding him from marrying, making them not ordained of God.
Likewise, when a woman wishes to take an additional husband and her current husband or husbands do not give consent, the husbands become sinners in forbidding her from marrying.
I’m sorry to hear that your great-grandmother could not open her heart to receiving a new wife — nor could she find comfort in a second husband either.
In an odd way I’m even sympathetic to the general idea of polyamory if all parties want to go that way, but to suggest that my great-grandmother sinned by closing her heart to the righteous desires of her husband to extend his sexual and patriarchal reach to another woman is something I just can’t wrap my mind around. You could say that I’m mired in conventional monogamous thinking. But it could also be that I have some experience in life and know the kind of pain the human heart generally can’t endure.
Coercion, including religious coercion, is not a principle of ethical human relationships.
Coercion, including religious coercion, is not a principle of ethical human relationships.
Agreed. Your great-grandfather could have probably done well to have had a little persuasion, long suffering, gentleness, meekness, etc. when seeking after a second spouse. However, it does not do well to demonize polygamy (by which I mean multi-male/multi-female tribes — not polygyny) because of that.
24:
For someone who “tends to lean towards libertarian” why are you “glad to be born in this time when mainstream LDS men get excommunicated for practicing polygamy“?
Given that the Libertarian platform states:
Sexual orientation, preference, gender, or gender identity should have no impact on the treatment of individuals, such as in current marriage, child custody, adoption, immigration, or military service laws. Government does not have the authority to define, license or restrict personal relationships. Consenting adults should be free to choose their own sexual practices and personal relationships.
Why are you so happy to see the church of Jesus Christ do that very thing?
#27 and #29 – I thought that the big threats to the church were the intellectuals, feminists, and gays. Apparently it’s the monogamists. Interesting.
Rebecca,
What reason do you have to suggest that:
a person who uses thought, reason, and critical/analytical reasoning,
a person who advocates for equal treatment for both men and women,
and a person who feels sexual attraction for a member of the same gender
would be greater threats to the church of Jesus Christ than a person who infringes on the expression of love in other human beings?
Hey guys– The topic of the original post is midlife crisis. Any chance we could talk about that? :- )
#32 Feeling other people should be free to enter into legal contracts with each other, doesn’t mean that I want to be a polygamist. I might grant you the right to be a polygamist but that doesn’t mean I want to participate. Most libertarians aren’t planning to become polygamists. Affiliating as a Libertarian doesn’t equal polygamist.
But apparently it means applauding the state and the church for enforcing monogamy?
Re: the OP
My thesis was simple — Midlife crisis for men are attributed to andropause, or the natural decline in testosterone levels — declines that are worsened by modern lifestyles and diet.
The tried-and-true method for dealing with this natural phenomenon for thousands of years of human existence was for a man to take an additional wife. Recent research has shown that God’s order for marriage (which is multi-male/multi-female tribes) reflects our natural sexual desires.
However, in the current legal and religious environment, men (and women for that matter) are not allowed to alleviate these hormonal imbalances — and sadly many men risk a good family in transient affairs with younger/blonder women, instead of seeking after another spouse — which is what God has ordained.
Serial monogamy could be solved if states and churches would allow marriage to function as God has ordained it.
I will be glad to leave my comments at that — anyone is free to continue the tangent discussion at the links provided.
I’m wondering why my comment that addressed the original post is not appearing?
Justin, there are other explanations and ways to avoid the trap of declining testosterone and interest in a monogamous relationship. Ever hear of the Coolidge Effect http://www.reuniting.info/science/coolidge_effect ? Read around the site and tell me it’s better to demean women just to get your “testosterone” up. Try some self control and sacrifice for your spouse and see what it does to your libido.
Cocktree:
tell me it’s better to demean women just to get your “testosterone” up. Try some self control and sacrifice for your spouse and see what it does to your libido.
Your question is a bit unfair as it presupposes that adding another spouse demeans women. So as to not get off topic, I won’t go into any more detail. The comment I refer to in #38 links to information detailing why that is not the case.
Your link concludes that, In short, animals do not choose their mates randomly. They identify and reject those with whom they have already had sex.
However, in the human animal,it seems that intense pair-bonding that intensify over time develop. So I’m not sure that this model can apply.
One trigger for the Coolidge Effect is novelty itself. Yet sexual novelity does remain powerful for humans.
So what are we to do with this contradiction? The solution to these problems is to stop worshiping at the alter of monogamy (that grand self-sacrificing virtue) — and re-implement God’s law of tribal relationships.
35 – sorry, couldn’t resist. I actually brought your post up to my husband last night. I do think prevention is key. I’ve often wondered what the relationships of people that have these issues look like before the bad stuff starts. Did they see any of it coming?
Re #42 (Corktree) I’ve often wondered what the relationships of people that have these issues look like before the bad stuff starts. Did they see any of it coming?
I think the conventions that surround marriage as an institution sometimes harm people’s actual marriages. For example, people who hold to totally traditional role models are often stodgy and unimaginative in the way that they relate to each other. They see each other as “husband” or “wife” (with all the associated baggage) instead of the specific person they married with unique likes and dislikes and interests. Over time the air deflates out of the marriage without anyone even noticing. Anyway, that’s my theory. Roles are good in that they provide built-in stability, but they are bad if they squeeze the life out of the relationship.
I think people should do an annual relationship check and see if they are better or worse than the previous year and do something about it if the trend isn’t the one they want.
P.S. What was your husband’s response when you brought this post up to him?
I’d asked him if he ever thought he’d have a mid-life crisis, and of course he said no. But then we pondered why his dad never did, and concluded that it had something to do with their work ethic and keeping themselves engaged in projects. Not sure if that’s true, and I think you’re right about whether we view each other as people or roles to be filled as having an impact. We use our anniversaries to take stock and talk about goals – and we are getting better at doing your last suggestion – to deal with issues promptly and realistically. It IS painful, but it’s worth it. I think if you’re not willing to experience the pain that comes with a growing relationship, you’re not on solid ground. Great post – you’ve given me some other aspects to consider in the coming years.
Re #44 (Corktree) Thanks for sharing your story.
The Sunday School teacher in invites everyone to chime in with personal anecdotes of their own, uplifting or cautionary as the case may be.
In addition to #44, I’d also like to thank commenters for the personal stories shared so far in #1 (hawkgrrrl), 2 (jks), 3 (anon), 13 (diane), 18 (Rebecca), 21 (Doug) and 26 (SLK in SF).
I don’t have anything to add, but I would just like to say, I like this format much better. I like being able to see what people look lie. I think it makes communication more personal. I would uplink mine, but I don’t know how.
Our site is one of many that uses Gravatars (globally recognized avatars), which can be set up here. How they work is that you set up a profile with gravatar based on the email address you use to comment on blogs, and then whenever you post on a blog with the email address that you registered with on Gravatar, it will pull your gravatar.
It’s a pretty cool thing.
“A midlife crisis is experienced between the ages of 40 and 60. It was first identified by the psychologist Carl Jung and is a normal part of the maturing process. Most people will experience some form of emotional transition during that time of life. A transition that might cause you to take stock in where you are in life and make some needed adjustments to the way you live your life. Most seem to come through the process smoothly without making major life changes.”
I think the mid-life is a phase everyone goes through, and everyone handles differently, just like all teen-agers go through a change and have to deal with it as part of the growing process.
I don’t see how you can make a clear connection with polygamy, gender attraction, or religion with it. People just deal with it and some bring these things into it, some don’t.
I certainly don’t like the line of thinking that because I’m a man, and a certain age, history has proven there is a logical way I “should” deal with it, which is to believe in polygamy or divorce or golf or whatever. There is no pre-determined path that is the right way to deal with it for all men or all women…I’ll figure it out, and I’m sure others will shake their head and disapprovingly say, “Man, Heber13 is really going through a bad mid-life crisis.”
Does a mid-life crisis correspond to one’s longevity? Or is it set in stone during certains years? For example, if I live until I’m 600 years old, will I still go through a “mid-life” crisis between ages 40 and 60? I’m curious because I intend to live a loooong time and I have not, as yet, entered said crisis. Is there any scriptural data on what the long-lived patriarchs of the Bible did in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s? How about their middle years (their real mid-life)? Any evidence of changed behaviors?
Great point LDS Anarchist! Because if Justin is actually trying to say the bible and history support polygamy to deal with the mid-life crisis, than you wouldn’t expect to see Abraham starting his polygamy until he was around age 90, and Melchesidek at age 450, and not before.
I’ve also heard NBA and NFL players that are so huge, their life expectancy is much shorter, closer to 50 or 60, which explains a lot of their behavior in their early 20s, right?
ADMIN: Time to wake up.
These commenters don’t even know the name of my B&.
The problem I have with the story is not the fact that the husband took another wife, but that he abandoned his first wife and his children with her. I perceive that many LDS think that polygamy, in allowing for this sort of behavior, is the problem; when really, the problem is just the behavior. Its pretty clear that its not God’s intention to allow spouses to abandon each other even though there are many legal ways to go about doing it.
I don’t know if your great-grandfather’s choices were due to a mid-life crisis or that was just when he decided to make a thoroughly despicable choice. IMO, by all means take another wife, but don’t abandon the one(s) you have. It just not within the spirit of the law.