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Tattle Tale: Weekend Poll
By: wheatmeisterOctober 13, 2012
We sometimes see other peoples’ kids in a different light than their parents do. We hear rumours through our own kids or our callings. They act differently when their parents aren’t around. They post things on Facebook that we see through our kids’ Facebook.
Loading ...Discuss.
it takes a village to raise a child…..glad a few people clued me in when my kids were going thru their crazy stage
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Generally I assume that the parents know what their kids are like and are up to.
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It totally depends on the situation, the kid, and my relationship to their parents… but I’m not ruling “tattling” out entirely.
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As a followup, what would you do: you have pretty strong evidence that a 12-year-old FEMALE babysitter was looking up “naked girl boobies” on your ipad, and that the internet search went significantly downhill from here… do you give her parents a heads up? Talk to her directly?
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Jenn, I would assume the girl is developing some her own and was scared what they would look like. I would talk to her directly and if a bigger problem appeared I would talk to her parents.
If she went into explicit stuff, I would assume she wanted to know what sex looked like. But if it was more than mere curiosity I would tell her parents and inform the girl she cannot baby-sit for me anymore until I know the searching has stopped.
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It did descend into far more explicit stuff. I chalked it up to curiosity but would definitely keep a close eye on my internet history the next time she came over…
It’s funny, my sister thought it had to be my husband (despite evidence to the contrary) until I mentioned the babysitter. Then she got mad at me for not mentioning the babysitter sooner- “of COURSE it was her! Do you know what I was into at that age?”
Apparently, yes, 12-13 year old girls can have… bad habits that early.
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After seeing the results I feel like a complete tattle tale…
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I would talk to a parent if I knew for sure that their child was doing something dangerous to either themselves or someone else. I will be forever grateful to another parent in our ward who alerted us to our daughter using drugs and alcohol. We had no clue! She was in deeper than we knew; it was almost too late by the time we found out, and we ended up putting her in a rehab, which I believe saved her life. We worked together as a family with staff (it wasn’t just her problem, it is a family problem as well) and today she is happily married to a great guy and has 2 wonderful sons.
So to the list, The behaviours that I would talk to a parent about are: smoking, doing drugs, sexual activity, drinking and pregnancy.
On the issue of Porn, my other daughter had a boy over and when I looked at the history, he was looking at sex. One day when he and I were just together, I told him what I found and told him I didn’t think that it was a good idea to do that…especially on MY COMPUTER! He got the message, and we became good friends after that. I didn’t think I needed to talk with his parents.
Interesting poll!!
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In most of these cases, I’d probably talk to the kid directly rather than to the parents. If I don’t have a close enough relationship to the kid to do that, then it’s probably none of my business.
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I would hope that the kids’ parents have a relationship that is good enough that they know what the kid is doing.
However, kids hide things well from parents, so the parents very well may not be in the know.
If the kids’ life were in danger such as with drugs or if they were doing some drastic things like sex, etc. I would pray for guidance first and if I felt prompted to, I would approach the parents.
Very interesting poll and thoughts…what made you decide to write it?
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We thought a couple of our daughters were lazy(not picking up etc). but were pleased when other parents paraised their behaviour when they had visited.
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G4G – What made me write it? Life experience. I have teenagers who have friends. I have teen and adult relatives who post some appalling things. And I have been a teen whose friends’ parents had to decide what to say and what not to say to my parents. And there is a new component now because colleges and employers will sometimes check social media when considering applicants. That should give us all pause. I think these results are encouraging. Most people care most about things that are doing harm to others or self and less are obsessed with ticky tack stuff like modesty.
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I did have one adult at church who suggested I might be bulimic or anorexic, which was kind of ludicrous. I just hated her cooking. But I suppose she meant well.
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I really can’t believe how many people wouldn’t tell me if my kids were doing drugs and having sex! As a middle school teacher, I’ve had my fair share of breaking the drugs news to parents, and yes, it’s awkward. (SUPER awkward.) But it is possible to do it in a loving, nonjudgmental way. I have had shocked, disbelieving parents, but NONE have ever been anything but grateful for my call. I would be grateful too.
If someone called me to say my kid seemed depressed, was having sex, was stealing, I’d be glad to know! Because believe me, I didn’t know, or I didn’t know how bad it was, or I’m glad my kid has people who care about her or him. However, never call me to tell me my kid is wearing a sleeveless dress. Yeah, she’s four. Get over it. No one ever has done this, I’m just sayin’.
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