Agency

Long sleeves or short sleeves?

July 5, 2015
Long sleeves or short sleeves?

It was a hot summer day.  A coworker told me that I shouldn’t wear short sleeve dress shirts any more because that wasn’t a mature thing to wear.  I noted that I wore short sleeves on my mission.  When you go to the temple, you must wear long sleeve shirts or are asked to change. […]

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Posted in Agency, Culture, Mormon, Temple | 25 Comments »

Because of my Valiance?

July 3, 2015
Because of my Valiance?

A few months ago I posted a rant on facebook (usually a cause for regret) that actually turned into an interesting, respectful discussion (until my cousin showed up near the end) about how much God micromanages our lives. I had expressed my thought that I felt it was God’s will for me to not have […]

Posted in Agency, Mormon Belief, Premortality, Pride, War in Heaven | 19 Comments »

Memento Mori, Carpe Diem, and Other Life Lessons

June 30, 2015
Memento Mori, Carpe Diem, and Other Life Lessons

Respecting one’s elders is a long-standing human tradition for good reason.  The elders of the tribe have often been seen as the wise ones, the ones who carry the experience and knowledge the younger ones need to survive and thrive.  And the elders of the tribe have lived long enough to have avoided some of […]

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Posted in Agency, Charity, Culture, emotions, Empathy, Gratitude, Mental Health, Morality, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion | 5 Comments »

Mean Girls Jesus

June 23, 2015
Mean Girls Jesus

Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.  A person who is judgmental will accuse others of being judgmental.  For this reason, […]

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Posted in Agency, BYU, Culture, emotions, Empathy, Faith, faith crisis, Feminism, Freedom, gender equity, LDS, Morality, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion, Politics, Pride, Women | 24 Comments »

Authenticity: Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?

June 16, 2015
Authenticity:  Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?

It’s a common claim among participants of Mormon internet groups that people feel they cannot be themselves at church or can’t say what they think for fear of being ostracized.  They feel they are discouraged from being honest or authentic, that they would be rejected if they disagreed with the party line or articulated a non-conforming […]

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Posted in Agency, Charity, Christian, Culture, emotions, Freedom, Jesus, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion, Uncategorized, understanding | 16 Comments »

Duty, Conformity, Authority, Obedience

June 9, 2015
Duty, Conformity, Authority, Obedience

These four virtues have held prime real estate in recent generations, and are still considered top virtues by many:  duty, conformity, authority, and obedience.  But within the 1900s and into our century, these virtues have also come under fire, their downside exposed.  These four virtues didn’t originate in scripture but are popular cultural values.  For example, […]

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Posted in Agency, Criticism, Culture, Empathy, Faith, Freedom, LDS, Morality, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Politics | 33 Comments »

Honest in All Our Dealings

June 2, 2015
Honest in All Our Dealings

According to one study [1], 10% of communication in marriage is dishonest.  Another study showed that 38% of interactions between college students were deceptive [2].  And as we all know, 83% of statistics are made up [3].  Why do people lie?  Does everyone do it?  How can we be more honest? “It’s not a lie […]

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Posted in Agency, Criticism, Culture, doubt, emotions, Faith, Honor Code, Morality, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Truth. Lying | 25 Comments »

10 Things That Will Kill You Faster than Diet Coke

May 26, 2015
10 Things That Will Kill You Faster than Diet Coke

Noticing how tired I was one morning for my workout, my personal trainer asked if I drink coffee or tea which he was recommending so I wouldn’t be so tired in the morning [1].  I said no, but I drink Diet Coke.  He looked at me like I had just admitted to smoking heroin.  I […]

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Posted in Agency, Culture, Mental Health, Mormon, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion | 31 Comments »

O Say, What is Doubt?

May 19, 2015
O Say, What is Doubt?

E. Bednar’s recent comments disparaging doubt (in an innovative youth meeting with a Q&A) seem to imply a different definition of the word than most who experience doubt would use, as evidenced by some of the chatter about it.  Why is that?  Let’s explore what he and other church leaders might mean when they talk […]

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Posted in Agency, Charity, Criticism, Culture, debt, Faith, faith crisis, Freedom, General Conference, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion | 67 Comments »

Football, CTE, and Agency

May 18, 2015
Football, CTE, and Agency

Athletes, especially football players, have been involved in some high-profile violent incidents. Dec 16, 2009.  Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry had a domestic dispute with his fiance Loleini Tonga.  She tried to get away by getting into a pickup truck.  He climbed in the back, and while she was driving, either fell or jumped out […]

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Posted in Agency, LDS, Mental Health, Mormon, Science and Religion, Violence | 35 Comments »

“I Can’t. I’m Mormon.”

May 12, 2015
“I Can’t.  I’m Mormon.”

A few years ago, my boss excitedly said she had a real treat for the two of us to share.  It was a special tea from London that someone had bought her on a business trip.  I explained that I didn’t drink tea (although I do drink herbal tea).  She asked why I didn’t drink […]

Posted in Agency, Criticism, Culture, Feminism, Freedom, LDS, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion, Uncategorized, War in Heaven | 46 Comments »

Criticism

April 28, 2015
Criticism

I was thinking about E. Oaks’ comments in General Conference about criticism.  Talking about things that prevent us from benefiting from the gospel, he said: Another potential destroyer of spiritual roots—accelerated by current technology but not unique to it—is the keyhole view of the gospel or the Church. This limited view focuses on a particular doctrine or […]

Posted in Agency, Apostasy, Blind Obedience, Criticism, Culture, emotions, Faith, faith crisis, Freedom, General Conference, LDS, leadership, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion, Pride, Priesthood | 42 Comments »

Gaslighting and You

April 27, 2015
Gaslighting and You

Preface. I’ve written about communicating with general authorities and others in a hierarchy, and about understanding people who have spent most of their lives spending most of their time deferring gratification and caring for others. The last significant post in that series was “On Being Heard.” This post takes up where that left off, years […]

Posted in Agency, Apostasy, Criticism, Culture, emotions, Empathy, Faith, Freedom, LDS, Mental Health, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion, Uncategorized | 16 Comments »

Top 10 Rejected Ideas for Keeping Millenials in the Church

April 21, 2015
Top 10 Rejected Ideas for Keeping Millenials in the Church

It’s no secret that church leaders are concerned about those who leave, particularly those of the rising generation.  What is less well known is the strategy to help them stay active in the church and into their adult lives. Less well known until now that is.  The following list was found in a secret trash […]

Posted in Agency, Church Policy, Faith, gender equity, General Conference, LDS, leadership, LGBT, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion | 15 Comments »

Sarcasm

April 14, 2015
Sarcasm

I’m addicted to exercise.  And by exercise, I mean sarcasm. An article about sarcasm recently explained why sarcastic people are smarter on average:  because sarcasm requires more mental effort than just plain speech.  Which is probably why when someone fails to grasp it, my first instinct is to think they are too stupid to follow. […]

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Posted in Agency, Criticism, Culture, emotions, Feminism, Freedom, gender equity, General Conference, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion, Resting bitch face | 36 Comments »

April 2015 Gen Conf in GIFs

April 7, 2015
April 2015 Gen Conf in GIFs

For those who watched at home, this General Conference was one for the ages with many excellent talks and a few exciting moments.  Read on. What were your favorite parts? Discuss.

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Posted in Agency, Church Policy, Criticism, Culture, Doctrine, emotions, Faith, faith crisis, Feminism, Freedom, LDS, leadership, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion | 20 Comments »

My So-Called Post

March 31, 2015
My So-Called Post

I’m a word nerd, so I always find it interesting when a simple change to grammar alters the meaning of a word or sentence.  Time magazine recently pointed out one grammatical faux pas:  using “actually” can be a red flag. From this article (reprinted from Inc.): Extra words used in a sales presentation or investor pitch are […]

Posted in Agency, Criticism, Culture, Feminism, gender equity, General Conference, leadership, LGBT, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion | 25 Comments »

Northern Ireland’s Gay Cake

March 26, 2015
Northern Ireland’s Gay Cake

Today and tomorrow the case brought by Gareth Lee, a volunteer with the Queer Space collective, supported by the Equality Commission of Northern Ireland against Asher’s Bakery supported by The Christian Institute is to be heard in court. So far as I can tell, this particular cake differs from similar cases in the US in […]

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Posted in Agency, Christian, Culture, Freedom, LGBT, Morality, Politics, Uncategorized | 26 Comments »

Marriage For Now

March 23, 2015
Marriage For Now

Is it looking past the mark to think of our marriages as eternal rather than thinking of what we need in the here and now and in the near future?  Do we focus so much on eternity that we are just barely enduring to the end in the day-to-day marriage? Last week I re-posted a review […]

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Posted in Agency, BYU, Culture, economics, Education, emotions, Feminism, Freedom, gender equity, LDS, Morality, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion | 37 Comments »

On Being Wrong

March 18, 2015
On Being Wrong

So let me ask you guys something. How does it feel — emotionally — how does it feel to be wrong? Dreadful. Thumbs down. Embarrassing. Okay, wonderful, great. Dreadful, thumbs down, embarrassing — thank you, these are great answers, but they’re answers to a different question. You guys are answering the question: How does it […]

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Posted in Agency, Blind Obedience, Church Policy, Criticism, Culture, emotions, Morality | 10 Comments »

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